Jive Talkin'

Good morning! Since we’re having a slight lull right now at the new office, I thought I’d take a little time and write on the ‘ol blog, since so many of you expressed some manner of joy with the post on Tuesday.

I’ve been doing this whole disability thing for about a year now, and there are two things that I routinely see that continue to amaze me (there are really more than two, but these just stick in my mind). No. 1: The amount of people who, while admitting wholeheartedly that they smoke cigarettes, have a mini-stroke if you ask them if they drink alcohol. No. 2: The fact that the homeless shelter seems to give out 1970’s era clothes only to its residents. Let’s talk about number one first.

First, a caveat. If you’re a smoker, I’m sorry if this offends you…but you should quit! It’s dangerous for you, the people around you, and just think, you could be using all that money that you spend on cigarettes to buy things like food, Lortab or clothes that you could donate to the homeless shelter so every resident doesn’t have to walk around looking like an extra in the Made-for-TV-Movie version of Shaft. It simply amazes me that people view imbibing alcohol as such a nasty habit, while they smoke 20 cigarettes a day, and make my office smell like the Marlboro man’s hamper. Just this morning, I had a lady who was applying for disability due to her advanced COPD, and admitted that she still smoked 2 packs a day. When I asked her if she drank alcohol, she scrunched up her face into a puckered wrinkle, and spat, “oh Lord no, that’s disgusting!” I wanted to say, “what you just did with your face was disgusting,” but I don’t think Social Security would take too kindly to that. Now, I know that people argue that “drinking makes you drunk, which is a bad thing to be, while smoking just makes you relax, and actually helps you loose weight.” Granted, weight loss is a good thing, especially when the majority of our population is clinically overweight. That said, there are much better ways to go about shedding some pounds that puffing on an “all natural” mixture of tobacco, tar, glycerin, ammonia, CO2, CO, and a bunch of other capital letters followed by some random numbers. Rant done.

As for the 70’s clothes…well, there’s really not much to say about that, except that I hope that one day bell-bottoms, polyester shirts and patent-leather jackets will be the rage again, because the Salvation Army has a surplus! I’d like to know who keeps donating this stuff, because it seems that every time I see a claimant who is staying at the homeless shelter, they’re wearing something straight out of Saturday Night Fever. I’m sorry if it seems like I’m bashing these people who, obviously, don’t really have the funds to buy anything, let alone clothes, because I’m not. I’m simply amazed at the trend that I keep seeing, and was relaying that fact. That said, if there are any aspiring filmmakers out there who plan on doing a 1970’s action movie, you now know where to get your costumes.

And now for the disability quote of the day:

Me: “So how does your heart murmur keep you from working?”
Angry man: “It was there since birth.”
Me: “…OK, well, does it keep you from performing normal activities?”
Man: “No, but I don’t want to stress my murmur, because I feel that my heart could explode at any time.”
Me: “Did someone tell you that your heart could explode?”
Man: “No, but I saw it on Mortal Kombat once.”
Me: “Ok then, next question.”