Friday Night Quotes

Woohoo, Friday....you know what that means.  It's time for Friday Night Quotes!  Tonight's entry is a good mix of quips from both Disability and the Juvie, so I think you'll be entertained.  So, without further ado...

Me:  "Are you able to bathe and dress yourself without difficulty?"
Woman:  "So sure, but if I take a bath, my husband has to watch.  I think he likes it."

Patient's written response to the question "Why did you condition stop you from working?"
"I didn't want to go to work because if I did, my legs started moving, and I don't like that."

Lady:  "My knee arthuritis is so bad, it even keeps me from sitting at a table."
Me:  "It wouldn't happen to be a round table, would it?"
Lady:  "Oh no, it's square."
Me:  "Ok, just checking."

Juvie kid:  "I'm really allergic to poison ivy.  Like this one time, I was running from the police, and hid in a bush...but the bush was really poison ivy."
Me:  "That sounds terrible."
Kid:  "Yeah, it was pretty bad, but next time I'm running from the cops, I'll know what bush to not hide in."

That same kid asked the question, "If you're asleep, can a dog smell you?"

Nurse:  "Unfortunately, the test results show that you're positive for Gonorrhea."
Teenage male:  "Are you kidding me?  How is that possible?"
Nurse:  "Have you been having sex?"
Male:  "Yeah, but only with one girl at a time.  I thought you couldn't get an STD unless you had multiple partners."
Nurse:  "That's in total...not multiple partners at one time."
Male:  "Ah crap."

Have a good weekend,
-DD

Friday Night Quotes (FNQ)

Well, it's that time of the week again. I had an utterly...fantastic...afternoon today - the entire population of the world turned out, late as always, to enthrall me with their tales of woe and disability. Luckily for you all, however, it did give me quite a few statements for tonight’s entry. It is without further ado, therefore, that I present to you the top disability quotes of the day.


Patients written response to the question: "What type of employment did you have before applying for disability?"
"Fast foot clerk."

Me: "So you say you worked a lot of jobs in the past year. Was there something that caused you to get fired from those jobs?"
Elderly Black lady: "Well I was working at Japanese Steakhouse from January until July, but then they fired me because they realized I wasn't Asian."

Me: "So what keeps you from working?"
Muscle-bound teenage male: "Well, it hurts my back if I try and lift over 100 lbs."
Me: "Any problems lifting lighter objects?"
Man: "Nope, just really heavy ones."

Patient's written response to the question, "How does your disability keep you from doing things you used to be able to perform?"
"Both of my hands are unable to grasp real good, even though I can grip good with my right hand."

Me: "So tell me what's keeping you from working."
Middle-aged woman: "Well, I read a medical textbook, and it sounds like I have heart failure. So I put a 2-3 lbs weight limit on myself, and no one will hire me."

Have a good weekend!
-DD