Quote Boat, toot toot

Good morning! As I said yesterday, today’s entry will be a revenant of the Friday Night Quotes series that existed when I worked on Fridays (I like that, ‘when I worked on Fridays’). One quick side note before we begin. If you have any questions about what I’m writing, be it medical or otherwise, please leave a comment – I enjoy knowing what you all are thinking about the blog. So, without further ado…raise anchor, it’s time for the Quote Boat to set sail!

Me: “So you wrote ‘special issues’ in the space describing why you can’t work. What does that mean?”
Man: “Well, it’s sensitive…I’ve got this problem…with my balls.”
Me: “Ok…what type of problem?”
Man: “Well, to put it mildly, I’ve got donkey balls.”
Me: “Donkey balls?”
Man: “Yeah man, have you ever seen a donkey’s balls? They’re huge. Mine are too. Like, too big.”
Me: “…”
Man: “Do you want to see them?”
Me: “No, no, that’s ok. I’ll take your word. So…how do your testicles prevent you from working?”
Man: “They just hurt and bang things all the time. It’s really painful.”
Me: “I bet…well, let me ask you some other questions.”
[As it turns out, the gentleman above had a GIANT hernia into his scrotum, thereby giving the appearance of said “donkey balls,” but in reality, what he perceived were his testicles were really his intestines…yuck]

Me: “So do you hear or see things other people don’t?”
Girl: “Well, sometimes I hear my own voice, but only if I’m speaking and nobody’s around.”
Me: “…”

Me: “How does your knee pain keep you from working?”
Younger woman: “If I try and run backwards really fast, they really hurt.”
Me: “What about if you walk forwards slowly?”
Woman: “Oh, they’re ok then.”

Man: “I’ve got this condition that keeps me from swallowing well…and it makes me really depressed.”
Me: “You’re depressed because you can’t swallow?”
Man: “No, I’m depressed because I can only swallow if I turn my head to the left, and there’s nothing to look at in that direction.”
Me: “Have you considered moving your chair?”
Man: “Oh, I couldn’t do that. I always sit at the head of the table, I’m the man, after all.”

Hope you enjoyed those, have a good rest of your day!
-DD